Ruminations

So, I've been silent for awhile.  Indeed I've been inactive for awhile.  Work has been my focus since mid-August and here it is late-September.  I enrolled in an online graduate course as well.  That has inspired some self-reflection.

I enjoy the intellectual challenge.  It feels good to be engaged in this way again.  Feeling good again... what an interesting thing to realize is missing.  This summer I attended a week long leadership training for leaders/managers in libraries and IT, primarily higher education.  And one of the conversations was about self-care.  One of the instructors shared his own insight when faced with the question "What do you do for fun?"  Sadly, I find myself in his position of having no ready answer.  On one hand I have worked patiently for a long time to get my break, to have my opportunity to be a leader, and a decision maker, and I am driven... obsessed to not fuck that up.  That explains how I find myself in this predicament.  But, I'm certain I cannot sustain that focus and intensity forever, at least without time for recovery.

In Googling about on the topic of self-care one finds lots of self help, frequently worksheets to be used in workshops or in therapy sessions.  Basically these worksheets identify similar areas for self-care: physical, emotional, contemplative, social, and intellectual.  They also distinguish between stimulating and relaxing activities.  My historic practice of self-care has been predominately in two categories physical and intellectual.  In hind sight this imbalance has been... well unbalanced.  I wonder if this imbalance, and my obsession to not fuck up my opportunity better explain the difference between my lived and espoused goals, better than what I've been whining about -- my lack of goals.

So, I think the reset is to think about self-care in a more extensive and balanced way.